Premium Tech

Gadgets for the Chronically Distracted

You have 47 unread emails and a deadline in two hours. What you really need right now is a $400 piece of aluminum that makes a satisfying click sound.

Procrastinate Now Watch the B-Roll
Hero Product

New Release

The "I'm Not Listening" Earbuds

Industry-leading noise cancellation for ignoring everyone around you.

Product 1

Bestseller

Anxiety Inducing Smartwatch

Track your steps, sleep, stress, and blood oxygen. Feel worse about all of it.

Product 2

Limited Edition

Over-Engineered Charging Pad

Wireless charging. Requires a specific cable. Sold separately.

Product 3

New

Aluminum Fidget Cube

For when you need to do something with your hands during meetings.

Product 4
6 hours (claimed), 3 hours (actual)
Battery Life
Bluetooth 5.3 (requires dongle)
Connectivity
Heavy for its size
Weight
1 year (good luck)
Warranty

Design

Minimalism as an Excuse

We removed all the useful buttons and ports so we could call it "minimalist design." Now you need three different dongles just to use it.

Learn about our design philosophy
Feature 1

Materials

Aerospace-Grade Aluminum

Machined from a single block of aluminum, which sounds impressive but just means it gets really cold in the winter.

Explore our materials
Feature 2

Ways to Ignore Reality

Premium distractions for every occasion.

📺
Noise Cancelling
Pretend other people don't exist. Works great.
Shop Audio
🎵
Smart Watches
Get stressed about your heart rate in real time.
Shop Wearables
🎮
Desk Toys
Expensive things to fiddle with during Zoom calls.
Shop Accessories
☁️
Charging Pads
Wireless charging for the person who hates plugging things in.
Shop Charging

Limited Time

Buy More, Regret More

For a limited time, spend $500 and receive a free cable that you'll lose within a week.

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